I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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