I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
