I hate your face
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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