Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
