the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
