Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
