Say something about gay babies.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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