Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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