hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
