Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
