I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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