I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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