I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
