Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
