well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
