I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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