Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
