where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
