She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
