the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
