Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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