false alarm. still invincible.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
