Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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