My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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