When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
