I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize