dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
