I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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