My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
