it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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