So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
