I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
