i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have fence marks all over my body
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
