She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
