How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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