There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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