Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
