i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
