It's like a parade of train wrecks.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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