do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
