I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You should frame my arrest warrant.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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