if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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