I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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