He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
