someone get that fucking seahorse.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
