I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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