I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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