I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
