omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
