I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
