We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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