my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
