Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize