Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I want her autograph on my taint
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
