what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
