i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Randomize