come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
