so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
