when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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