The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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