he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
