so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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