Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
