I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
