I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I want her autograph on my taint
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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