Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
