my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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