Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
should my penis look like a turkey
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
