ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
