God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
