glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
